Still life

[Filter: Former Mera]

Oh my Dragons, I've got maybe fifteen minutes to write, so if you want to talk to me for the next few days this is it. Taerin is being attacked by someone and I need to go. I'm heading east as fast as I can, and I just hope to get out of this city in time.

Write back quick? I'll be packing as I go.

[Filter: Former Mera]

Hey, Jessica! I know you were going to write to us when you got to Chiaco, but that was days ago now. Maybe I just don't know how big Megam is, but I'm pretty sure you should've gotten there by now~

So could you write back? Put your sister's mind at ease?

[Filter: Private]

She's finally gone. That felt like it went on a lot longer than it did... I can afford to have anyone looking into my business right now. The women didn't know what was happening, but they sure didn't like going into hiding with me.

On the plus side, Rayla isn't going to come back any time soon. Whatever Harriet was here for, I doubt she's going to come back.

I can get on with business~

[Filter: Former Mera, and Verity]

Okay, I'm at the point where I need some advice. I've got some men again, and I'm about to restart operations here. Not in Tearin, but around here...

If there's no objections, I'm going to try to hunt down some more of Keran's spies. Yes? No? Anyone still alive out there?

[Filter: Private]

I think I have something. I think I really have something. A few women who don't have much else to do, and not enough money ... Yeah, it's not an army. It doesn't have to be an army! I just need men. Or women. I don't really care about the dangly bits, I just need hands helping me to root out Keran's men. I can train them, and then I've got something.

... Yeah, I think I've got something! Now I just need to make that something into Keran's bloody death!

[Filter: Private]

I think ... I think I'm actually feeling better about this whole thing. I'm not proud of myself, but there was nothing else to do. I love Clara. I can't do anything about this whole war right now, and I'm too alone. It's not like getting closer to her will be a bad thing for me to do. It's what I'm here for! I just ... I don't know what I will do other than just being this. Getting closer to her. I can't see this getting me what I want. I can't get more men. I can't use her influence to attack Keran....

I'm not proud of myself here, just getting closer to her because I'm lonely... But I'm not angry at myself either.

[Filter: Private]

One down. Only one hundred to go?

[Filter: Jessica]

I think I finally took care of my Timothy problem~ But I think bigger problems showed up in the time it took me to do that. And now I'm not really sure who I can talk to...

[Filter: Private]

It's not a big win, but I'm going to take every little bit I can. He picked the right time at least... Ugh.

[Filter: Jessica]

Okay, I've got good news, and I've got bad news. Both of these are entirely related to boyfriend troubles, so you don't have to worry that I'm at risk or anything~ So, which do you want first?

[Filter: Former Mera]

Heads up! I wiped out a safe house full of Keran's spies~ The good news is that I don't think he's going to find out. It looked like a robbery. There's a lot of chaos around anyway, and I didn't leave a Forna calling card. I made a lot of people tense here, but otherwise I think we got off free.

From the papers we stole, I know they were going east. And they were definitely not the first set of Keran's spies that were going out east, either.

I'm not sure if any of you are going to like what I did once I found out they were going east~!

[Filter: Private]

So maybe if I write the whole situation down it won't sound as bad? Let's go!

All the guys I've been talking to say that the spies they think they've found are up to something. They've not explaining nearly enough of this to me, so I'm thinking about going hands on, but that's beside the point I' m trying to make to myself~ There's a lot of movement going east from the house they've found. They're going to move in soon if I give the word. Except if these are really Keran's spies, he's going to know that they've disappeared, and he's going to know something's up here.

So all I've got is a manor and some men. Clara keeps checking in to make sure I'm not going to do anything that's going to get us all rolled under rocks. If I stir up this bee hive, there's a good chance we are, and ugh, I just wish there were more important decisions for me to make. I really don't want to be the one sitting here with the final say in everything happening to our little rebellion in this corner of the sky. I don't want to be the one who fucks this all up!

So what would Jessica tell you that you should do? You could ask her~ But what's the fun in actually getting an answer.

Yeah, I need to see this house for myself. And yeah, the situation's just as bad as when I started writing it down! Thanks magic journal.

[Filter: Private]

I guess I can be as horrible as I want here, and no one's going to read it? Alright, I have to read it, but it's not like I'm going to be disgusted with myself. Like, more than I already am.

Sex was pretty fun for awhile. I mean, I really liked it, and especially since it was something I never thought I'd get to do when Keran came barging in. (Guess it could have been MUCH worse.... ugh.) And Timothy was a pretty cool guy about the whole thing, and knew it wasn't going to last forever. And everything was great.

And then I was a giant ass and ruined everything. Everything! I know Tim misses using his hands. It tooks months to realise he's not really going to... Anyway, that's when all the guilt started. He didn't mind me having sex with another guy, or at least not that he said. It was all for show. But after... I couldn't really say no to the guy I'd just got mutilated, could I? Ugh! Guilt! There wasn't anything very fun about it after that, it was just me doing all the work.

And now he expects it, and what am I going to do? I still like sex. He's just not doing anything for me anymore... I'm getting tired of being a giant chamberpot for him to shoot seed into. If I want any satisfaction anymore I have to get it myself! And I'm not thinking of him while I'm doing it either!

So tempted to be done with it any just tell him to get a whore. I am so dumb...